Almost six months into my challenge to not drink for 365 days, I found myself having Sobriety-Envy! So I looked it up. It usually comes from others who wish they could also abstain, more so than from those of us doing the abstaining. No…my sobriety-envy comes from following other sober people on social media whose sole focus is just that-Sobriety. Sober quips, quotes, art, music, poetry and inspiring, post-recovery pieces. MY posts generally consist of my countdown and where my head is on that very day. And, with all the cringiest cringe, I began to compare myself.
Maybe it’s my competitive nature. I’m sober now so, where do I suit up? What position best fits my qualities? What’s the score? Am I winning? How much means I’m winning? Am I supposed to be somewhere I’m not at, currently? Am I even doing this right? Why am I confused right now? Am I confused? Why do ‘they’ seem so on top of this? Should I take a graphics course? I wish I knew how to paint!
And then it hit me. I am doing this challenge for me. I’m not on a sober tour de force…with hopes of global change or even mass recruitment to the dry side. I mean, if you want to join me, I’ll welcome you with open arms and lots of sparkling water-don’t get it twisted. :))
But, I don’t have to produce anything but my continued determination to see this challenge to the end. I almost allowed this envy to place an undue burden of HAVING to be a card carrying, bumper sticker sticking, flag-flying, impactful social media content providing-sober human. Nah-ah. That just ain’t me. And….”Whew!” is all I have to say about that epiphany! Now, I can go back to enjoying all the aforementioned content and appreciate the tremendous effort that must go into its creation.
This welcome revelation manifested for me because I am more than this sober challenge and I am more than my relationship with alcohol. Alcohol was NOT my main focus in life before this and, it is my sincerest prayer, that it will stay that way on day 366 and beyond. As I scratch through each calendar day, I will also continue to happily, and (mostly) quietly, blend in with the sober masses. This blog is my public accountability journal and has been transformative for me. I accept its role as a hearty grain of sand along a gorgeous stretch of some remote sober beach. :))
I’m grateful. I’m humbled. I’m blessed to be this far into this challenge.