After celebrating 7 sober months and believing I was only on the downhill to total abstinence for five more, I decided to have a drink.
One THE night it happened, I was quick about it. I purchased a sixpack of selzter alcohol, plopped down on my living room floor and stared at the colorful cans for a few minutes. I reasoned and rationalized. I hesitated. I reasoned and rationalized some more and then I made the decision to break my fast from alcohol.
The alcohol was cold and sweet. I was strangely relieved in the middle of my disappointment and I didn’t know how to reconcile both of those emotions at the same time. After the 2nd can of lemon-berry deception, I didn’t care. I woke up on my couch having finished a 3rd can with a full 4th can opened, waiting , but now stale. Other than a fantastically dry mouth, I didn’t feel too bad. “Whew!” I thought to myself. “I won’t be fighting a ‘real’ hangover!”
No, but I would be fighting a disappointment hangover. A, ‘now what’ hangover. What happens now? Who am I now? Am I still the girl who went dry for a year? Should I change the title to my challenge? “Almost A Year-No Booze Challenge”? And that would be it? My story would be, I almost made it 12 months…or, that one year I tried to go 12 months but couldn’t…or, I failed at a 12 month no booze challenge. Geeze.
“I tried a 12 month dry challenge and made it 11 months.” Okay. I’ll go with that.
Notice that I’m saying 11 months and the year is not yet over. That’s because I am believing in myself to keep going. Period. The Lord’s strength is my strength. I cannot do this alone. I am committed to holding on to His capable hands as I finish this personal challenge. Amen.